Shart week

Dawdler Toddler Preschooler: Mom, we learned DON’T touch sharps. They’re sharp!

Me: Sharps?

Dawdler Toddler Preschooler: No, wait. Not sharps. <thinking…> Sharts.

Me: Sharts?

Dawdler Toddler Preschooler: Yes, sharts. Swimming in the ocean. Sharts.


This morning walking out the front door, the strap on one of my shoes broke. “Oh shit,” I said.

“Oh shit!” a tiny voice right behind me immediately echoed.

Upon hearing this anecdote, My Better Half groaned “ohhhhh shit. Wonder what else our little sponge repeats.”

That is So R-tarded

I know that there are words that need to be excised from my vocabulary, especially with Baby getting more acutely aware of language. The obvious ones: the F bomb, for one. But I have to confess, I routinely use the word retarded. I know that makes me all Michael Scott ca. 2006 and I should know better. Still, I love that word. I use it as an all-purpose term for things that are stupid or flat-out ridiculous. I would never, EVER use it in a derogatory fashion to refer to someone who is developmentally challenged. That would be wrong. But I never realized how much I use it until My Better Half told me this morning: ” You have GOT to stop saying that, or once she talks, she’ll be calling all kinds of people and things ‘retarded!'”

Uh-oh. It’s true. Look, I’ve become cognizant of its less friendly iteration that I use (f*cktarded) and stopped using that. (Mostly). But I hadn’t realized just how much I throw around the R word. I need a substitute term. And fast. My usage of it is not *intended* to be offensive at all but here’s the thing: I have no control over how someone might *hear* it when I say it. Any suggestions on substitute all-purpose terms are welcome.