it’s not me, it’s all of you

One of the joys of sharing a single vehicle is we get to discuss our mutual hatred of local radio. If I had time to Google, I could confirm that all radio stations are really just run by one single horrible algorithm (I’m talking to you, I Heart Radio, I think?) that plays the shittiest songs all at the same time and all go to commercial at exactly the same time, too. So we constantly find ourselves bopping from one preset to the next trying to find something less awful than Don Henley or Eddie Vedder or Van Hagar or…whatever. By the way: it’s a terrible day when you find that the classic rock station’s playlist is actually stuff from your own adolescence rather than tunes from before your time. Related: June 2003, you still haunt me. Anyway, as we were driving around tonight, I lunged for the off button in 0.06 seconds when Rod Stewart came on.

My Better Half: “Have you ever wondered if, instead of everyone else having bad taste, YOU’RE the one with bad taste, just unable to appreciate that Rod Stewart is actually good?”

Me: “Uh, no! Have you?”

My Better Half: “God no!”

What a ridiculous question.

Chicks Who Rock

I was sitting in the driveway rocking out to “Goodbye Stranger” when My Better Half came out to see what the hold up was. When he saw I was rocking out he said “Y’know Supertramp is ALWAYS on some station, isn’t it?!” I said “Maybe. But this is on the iPod. It’s on the ‘Chicks who rock’ playlist.”

My Better Half: “Uh…you realize Supertramp is dudes, right?”

Me, jamming out to the falsetto section: “Is it? Is it reaaaaaly?”

By the way, Queen is on that playlist too.

RIP, MCA

I am devastated to hear of Adam Yauch’s death. The Beastie Boys have always been one of my all-time favorite bands. They were my gateway to hip hop, Licensed to Ill was the soundtrack of 6th grade, and the rest of their albums have been the soundtrack of my life ever since. I had tickets to see them with my high school BFF in 2000, but that was the summer they canceled because Mike D broke his shoulder, so I never got to see them then. And now I will never get to see them, at least all of them and fulfill that lifelong dream.

Fool Me Once

I LOVE me some April Fools’ pranks. Even when I’m the victim, I really appreciate the April Fools efforts. When My Better Half asked me first thing this morning, “Hey, can you get me the soap out from under the kitchen sink?” I was instantly suspicious. I expected some spring-loaded something to leap out of the cabinet. That, or a badger. (Hopefully of the honey variety). I was pleasantly surprised to learn that he’d simply finished installing all the cabinet locks to keep Baby out of the base cabinets.

But, in honor of April Fools, and especially since I just don’t have time or energy to carry these out, here are 3 of my favorite pranks (in no particular order):

 

  • Remove all music from your loved one’s iPod and replace entirely with tracks they despise. They’ll just pick up their iPod to go in the morning, leave with it, and only discover the prank on the move, when they can do nothing more than throw up their hands and curse you.
  • Change their ringtone to something ridiculous. Then, when their phone rings at work, they’ll think “who the HELL has Nelly’s ‘It’s Getting Hot in Herre’ as their ringtone?!” followed quickly by “JESUS would they answer their phone?!” and finally, “oh shit. That’s MY phone.”
  • I can’t take any credit for this one, but remove the frosting from inside Oreos and replace with toothpaste. Serve.

 

 

 

When you miss the first swim class…

So Baby had her first swim class today. Her first, but not the first, because class started last Saturday, but all three of us were sick. So this week was our first week, and the class has all these silly baby songs. We, of course, knew none of them, but the other moms knew them all by heart. I was wondering if the other moms knew them just by virtue of being moms, making me some sort of unfit mother. But then My Better Half blurted out, rather loudly, “Jesus Christ! Did they get issued some sort of moms’ song book last week?!”

I about died. A little of embarrassment, but mostly of laughter.

Too Cool for Cool Tunes

My friend Doug once famously said, “I’m over trying to be cool anymore. I’m too old. I just don’t have time for it. It’s fucking exhausting.” It’s funny because it’s true. Especially when it comes to music.

I happen to live in a really kick-ass part of the Phoenix metropolitan area. My ‘hood has the best independent bookstore in the valley, great restaurants, and one of the remaining independent music stores.

Wait. What was that last one? Did you just hear the needle scratch sound effect too or was that just me?

I almost never buy CDs anymore, and obviously I’m not alone. I remember being seriously annoyed when I had to replace all of my tapes with CDs to maintain and replicate my collection of tunes. Then I was annoyed again when everything went to iTunes, but I sighed and dutifully went about uploading all my CDs so I could listen to my music on my iPod. And then I went to eMusic, but am now considering dumping the whole iTunes world altogether in favor of Pandora & Spotify. Why? Well, Pandora is like the independent radio station the friends who used to make me mix tapes and introduce me to artists & tunes I wouldn’t have otherwise known. And in today’s musical landscape, it can be hard to separate the How did I live before I knew about these guys (think: Foals) from the Don’t even try to tell me THIS SHIT is ‘music’ and so help me God, if you do, I will unfriend you (I’m looking at you, insipid Ke$ha). And Spotify to replace the idea of iTunes and the record store – giving me access to my shit 24/7 without me having to deal with the upkeep. But, lest you think I am contemplating this shift without exasperation, I give you an audible “harumph.”

I am Officially Old™, because I am too tired to keep up with good music. So please, please. Don’t ask me to switch platforms again. I am done.