“What’s your pain level right now, on a 1 to 10 scale?”
I’ve been asked that question hundreds of times since April 3.
I still have no idea how to answer.
Cosmically, a 400?
April 3rd was a bad day. I went out for a quiet bike ride and haven’t been home from hospitals (plural) since then. I’m currently in my second acute rehab hospital, working towards regaining the left side of my body. I have had 5 surgeries – so far – and I take pain meds round the clock. But alot of my pain they can’t help. Things like:
- will I walk again? or just with braces & a walker?
- will I ever be able to walk uneven surfaces again?
- will my elbow ever heal enough to drive my own wheelchair?
- when will I be well enough to go home?
- how long will I be in bed?
- what should I expect long-term? Many more surgeries? Just a couple? Hopefully none?
- when will I regain feeling in my left hand? Or is that a forever thing?
Those are the questions I have that nobody can answer.
I haven’t been able to process any of what I’m going through yet. I’m still in the “so that happened” phase and just doing what my physical therapists tell me to do. Eating the meals brought to me. Taking the meds. Doing bed exercises that seem pointless. Watching endless tv to pass the days & nights because I can’t sleep.
That’s it so far. I haven’t started feeling the anger, lows, or frustration that I know are coming.
So I’ll answer what my pain scale is only on a physical plane. Except even that seems impossible, as I can’t even bear to look at my own body, and thinking about my body is even worse.