Colbert’s gain, my loss

Breaking news this morning is that Stephen Colbert is leaving Comedy Central to take over CBS’ “Late Show” from David Letterman.


I wish I could get on board with this. After all, America’s funniest comedian is going to get a wider audience, and undoubtedly, boat-loads more cash. So, good for him, I guess.

But I worry that he won’t have the comedic freedom, I wonder whether he’ll remain in character (answered: no, so in and of itself that’s upsetting), and, I guess the biggest elephant in the room is the question of did CBS even consider anyone other than a white man? Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O’Brien, Craig Ferguson, I mean c’mon now. The only woman in late night is Chelsea Handler, and that’s on E! (though not for long). Sure would be nice to see more diversity in late night comedy.

Look, I love Colbert and will follow him wherever he wants to go. Maybe Comedy Central can set an example and fill Colbert’s void with, I dunno, someone who is perhaps not white and/or not male.

The Show I Would Pay $105 For

So I just learned this weekend that Baby’s favorite show, The Pajanimals, now has a live touring musical production.

Go ahead, I’ll let you digest these 2 things before we move on:

  1. that Baby has a favorite TV show, meaning that a) we not only let her have screen time but b) enough of it to have developed preferences, and
  2. that we would actually consider going to a live musical production intended for preschoolers with absolutely no shame whatsoever.

Are we good? Okay. Let’s continue.

It’s not that Baby loves this show and, as the center of our universe, we must strive our hardest to appease our tiny toddler overlord, but (well, actually, that might be a tiny part of it) that she gets so much delight out of that show it’s unreal. She squeals, she dances, and she does this ridiculously cute display where she can’t contain herself, yelling ‘WHEEEEEEEE!” whenever their beds take off to visit their wise, mythical friends. So why WOULDN’T we want to cater to our adorable sweet little overlord?

$35 a ticket. That’s why. I called the Box Office. Even though she wouldn’t even be two, she is required to have a separate ticket for entry. Nevermind that she wouldn’t be able to occupy even a quarter of that seat, she still owes $35. So that’s $105 for all 3 of us to go and delight in her wonderment. No thank you.

But at least I got this out of the conversation:

Me: “…so do we need to buy her a ticket?”

Box Office Lady: “It depends on the show. Let me check. What’s it called?”

Me: “The Pajanimals.”

Box Office Lady: “…uh…The Pajam-A-holes??”

Yes. That one. THAT is the one I will pay $105 to see.

And just in case you think I have any qualms about having gone from rock’n’roll lady to *that* mom, I don’t, thanks to this awesome post by Temerity Jane.

Unfiltered Thoughts: My TV Show

I’ve long thought of concepts & topics that would make great tv shows. It seems like all that’s on are shows about detectives. And lawyers. Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, CSI, CSI: Miami, NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Bones, Cold Case, Covert Affairs, In Plain Sight….I could keep going, but you get the idea. There’s so few original series on. The ones that are on are excellent, but they’re few and far between.

I have so many ideas floating around in my noggin for distinctive comedy series, but I just don’t have the time to develop and write them. So, until my personal intern comes on board, if you have time, please feel free to take these and run with them so I can watch something other than a GOD AWFUL iteration of Project Runway (All Stars, I’m looking at you) that I am forced to watch because there are no seasons of Top Chef or Project Runway airing right now. For years, the best idea I’ve had that’s been simmering is a show about the writer’s room at a show. Sure, you could say that’s what 30 Rock is, but 30 Rock isn’t about the writing. Mine would focus on the battles between different writers, trying to keep their ideas and bits off the cutting room floor, where they go to get inspiration when they’ve got writer’s block, what they do with their days during a writer’s strike, that kind of thing.

Today I had an idea for an offshoot of that, which I think could be at least as good, if not better. A show focusing on the behind-the-scenes production of a (shitty) “reality” show. The decisions that get made as far as which contestants get saved from elimination because they’re great for character development and production value, the story arcs that the producers create and manipulate over a season, the struggles to come up with ever more ridiculous (and view-worthy) stunts for the contestants…

Get on that, would ya? Cuz I just don’t have the time.

Designer Dogs, Discount Shoes

Last night was the annual Westminster Dog Show, and while I love dogs, I don’t love the event. The whole idea of a “purebred” just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. My three dogs are all rescue dogs, and that’s all I would ever have, so the idea that people would pursue some idealized neurotic purebred rather than rescue a well-deserving, loving, smart, athletic fuzzermuffin from their local shelter is beyond comprehension.

But there is something I do love about watching the event: the handlers’ complete lack of fashion. When they show the dogs, you see the calves and shoes of the handler walking or trotting alongside the dog, and THAT provides pure, unadulterated entertainment. It is a parade of the worst shoes ever and the most unflattering skirts anyone could ever find. I don’t have any idea where these people find those ugly-ass shoes, the skirts that hit mid-calf (cause that’s a flattering length on anyone!), or the ghastly spectrum of taupe stockings. Sure, this is a high society event, so I guess the handlers are conforming to some conservative unstated dress code in an (unsuccessful) attempt blend into the background. But just because you gotta dress conservative and be prepared for running doesn’t mean you have to look terrible. It’s like they try hard to be as frumpy as possible. I feel like I dress pretty conservatively – I’m not into showing a lot of skin, but even I know that a skirt that hits mid-calf doesn’t look good on anybody, especially when paired with a no-nonsense vinyl orthotic sneaker disguised as a flat. It’s not like you don’t have time to prepare. Learn how to jog in a short heel, or at least visit Zappos to find some attractive flats. Order 20 pairs and send back the ones that fit poorly or turn out to be ugly as sin – that’s what it’s there for! Then get on a treadmill with your selected pair and practice, practice, practice. Not only will that help you get used to moving in real shoes, it’ll also give your calves some shape. And then you can show off your athletic calves in a pencil or A-line skirt, rather than that fuddy-duddy sh*t you call a skirt.

Same Bat Show, Same Bat Channel

I end up watching a lot of ESPN. Not because I love it, but because it’s got programming even when all other channels are showing infomercials when I’m up with baby at 3 a.m. While it seems that other channels ask the question, “Ok, but how is your show any different from all of the programming we offer?” to those that develop and pitch shows, it seems like ESPN asks, “Ok, but how is your show exactly like all of the other programming we offer?” With the exception of Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption, all ESPN shows are the same roundtable with mostly white guys talking about the strengths of one team pitted against the weaknesses of their opponents.

Imagining a World Without Netflix

Just got a whole lot easier thanks to their dumb-ass decisions lately. To further visualize how dumb this Qwikster split is, see The Oatmeal’s take.

And to think that just a few short weeks ago, I’d worked out how we were gonna dump DirectTV and just live off of Netflix.

Oh, and

And NBA League Pass.

And Versus/NBC Sports for Tour de France.

Oh, for F8ckssake. It’s 2011! Why can’t we get this all sorted out already?! I can’t track countless separate logins & accounts & instant queues just for entertainment’s sake.