Well hello there, old friend.

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?

Rather than bore you with all the nitty-gritty of what has (and has not) transpired over the past 2 years, let me just summarize with: I’ve been dealing with stuff. And things. Losses, deaths, work, parenting, beaches, music, and whatnot.

There, you’re all caught up. Don’t you feel better? I know I do!

I won’t get all gross on you and go into my goal for this particular year or talk about how life is so much better now that I’ve abandoned all news cycles, diving headfirst into only the most friviolous podcasts. Or how I have been contemplating whether you can go on long-term disability for being out of give-a-sh*ts about work. Or how my parenting has evolved from attentive to “eh, they’re playing quietly in their room with the door closed, who cares what they’re doing as long as they’re leaving us alone.”

But in the past couple of years, a lot has changed, and yet, a lot has stayed exactly the same. My two tinies are now less tiny, 6 and 4, to be exact. My house has changed; we moved to a bigger place, narrowly avoiding the murder-suicide combination that can result from cramming 4 people into 800 square feet. And yet, I still have to go to work every weekday, we still struggle against the bullsh*t that is adjuncting, we are still madly in love with our tiny familial unit, and we curse exactly the same amount about it all.

So it’s hard to neatly wrap up all that has transpired over the past 2 years, but here I am, with my reset. Time to get serious about this whole blogging thing so I can cash in on the wave and monetize my influence share my rants and raves.

With that kind of budget

I just asked some creative friends for ideas on maximizing a small space – we’re moving Baby #2 into Baby #1’s Toddler’s room & need to get creative to fit both beds in there and still have any space for storage.

After I describe the situation (we’re in tight quarters – a very small 2 bedroom and the bunk-bed solution that I keep finding online won’t work because Toddler is only 2), someone sends me a link.

To a $3400 toddler murphy bed.

Yes. Thirty four hundred dollars.

Aka Three THOUSAND four hundred dollars.

Look, chica. If I had $3400 I’d be using it.

  • For an interior designer to solve my problems with the kids room.
  • Or movers to haul our crap to a bigger house.
  • Or a babysitting account so we could go out to eat at a non-kid-friendly restaurant or see a movie more than once in a year.
  • Or a month’s worth of alcohol đŸ˜‰

The Great House Hunters Mystery

A couple years ago when I was visiting my folks, my mom got me hooked on House Hunters. And now every time I see it, I can channel their reactions. Their biggest mystery for most any episode is “How can someone who’s only in their 20s afford a $400,000 house?!?!” See also: “How can someone who works as a [occupation] afford a [dollar amount] place?” It’s true – it is odd that for so many episodes the math just doesn’t really make sense to me. And that’s not even counting the episodes where it’s some spoiled 20-something whose mommy and daddy are footing the bill their place. Other frequently cited mysteries include: What is the big deal about a double sink? Why do all of you need your own sink? (Seriously. If someone can explain this to me, I’d be grateful). And, Why are you hinging the purchase of a HOUSE on whether or not it includes a $750 dishwasher?!

But for me, the greatest mystery of all is the home visit at the end of the episode after they’ve settled in to their new place. How the hell do these people afford their new furniture? I just saw an episode where the couple needed a bigger house, so they selected a large 4 bedroom place that was at the upper end of their price point, and yet in the after segment, they’ve got it furnished with a brand new high quality giant leather sectional, accompanied by oversized plush recliners, and a super modern coffee table. WHAT. THE. HELL. If you can barely afford your house, how did you come up with an extra money to furnish it?! You might be thinking that I’m just jealous. And you’d be right.

Unfiltered Thoughts: My Small House & the Holidays

I have a really small place, at least by some standards. Not NYC standards. Not San Francisco standards. But by middle-America standards. It’s 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, and less than 900 square feet. It often feels like My Better Half and I are tripping over each other, and it certainly isn’t big enough for all of our crap.

So now that summer’s over, I was thinking about fall and the upcoming holidays, and was getting a wee bit anxious about My Better Half’s family coming to visit. There will be 9 adults, 2 children, 1 baby, and 4 dogs. All in my less-than-900-square-feet place. My first thought was Where the hell are all these people going to sit?! I only have seating for 6*. We need to go get some chairs! Maybe people will stand all day. Because nothing sounds better than having 9 adults, 2 kids, and 4 dogs tripping over my newly crawling infant…

But then I quickly replaced that thought with: Wait a minute. A better strategy is to take *away* some seating, thereby encouraging folks to go hang out somewhere else.

*Unless you count tiny IKEA stools, in which case I can accommodate 10. Because everyone wants to sit on a hard wooden surface with no back support all day long.


A Big Announcement, A Small Space

Now that 2011 is here, I can finally announce to the world that I & My Better Half are expecting a baby on July 4! We’ve been quietly sharing the good news with family and friends, and one of the most bizarre questions I get is along the lines of “Uh, where’s the baby going to, er, go?”

Fair enough, I guess. My house is small, after all (about 900 square feet). One of my college friends once exclaimed that my house was “smaller than [his] first apartment after college!” And the second bedroom is currently a stuffed-to-the-gills office slash guest room (that has no room for guests). But last time I checked, babies are kinda small. I’ve come up with tons of places the baby can “go”:

  • In a bucket.
  • In a big tupperware.
  • In the bathtub.
  • In a dresser drawer.
  • In the oven. When it’s not on, people. Calm down!
  • In the laundry basket.
  • Or my favorite: I’ll get one of those over-the-door shoe hanger things & rip out the seams between a few of the pockets. That’ll be for the baby, and the remaining intact pockets will be for all their crap – pacifiers, diapers, onesies…