Weird thing about living in PHX is that it remains so hot here well after summer that my brain gets real confused. I keep finding myself thinking things like "I'll do that after Labor Day." Like: I'll start cleaning out the garage after Labor Day. Or I'll start working on working on my yard again after Labor Day. Or I'll look into a fall trip with the kids after Labor Day. Or I'll start planning my son's September birthday after Labor Day. Obviously, dear reader, you know it's well after … [Read more...] about Autumn is…when, again?
Me: I hate these spray sunscreens. I just don't think they protect at all. I feel like I'm just sizzling. Like they just seem like cooking oil or something, they're so oily. My Better Half™: So do you think they just repackage Spam & throw a sunscreen label on the bottle? Me: Pam. Not spam. Not an aerosolized pork product. … [Read more...] about Smells like bacon
Today is a nearly-May miracle. It's been only 72 and it's rainy-ish. Let me repeat that. Seventy two degrees. Look, I get how perfect that might sound to you, Dear Readers, who may still be mired in winter. In fact, some of our friends came in town this weekend *because* they couldn't stand yet another snowstorm and so decided at the last second to come here. They've invited us over to their hotel to hang by and in the pool all weekend. Here's how that conversation went: But it's … [Read more...] about Yup, this one’s about the weather
In addition to being sick, it has been too goddamn hot to set foot outside my front door. So I've not been going for the daily walks I so look forward to once summer is over. The September equinox may have signaled fall's arrival to the rest of the country, but here it just means that in another month or so I might be able to part the blackout curtains that are drawn all summer long. Which, here, is at least 5 months long, give or take. (Please take, by the way. TAKE IT AWAY. I daydream that … [Read more...] about In Which I Gain 7 lbs in One Week
So after this weekend of 105+, I take back pretty much everything I've ever said about "So what it's hot! It's hot everywhere because it's summer. Just adjust accordingly!" Fate, you cruel bitch. I surrender. I attempted to entertain Baby but she got bored (as did I). Here was our itinerary Saturday: Our afternoon walk around the hood? Too hot, so that's out. How about playing with your bear? Bored already? Here's your lamb! Ok, let's read a book...or 8. Still no good? Let's listen to … [Read more...] about Shaking My Fist Skyward
My Better Half™: "Her little dimple is SO cute!" Me: "She has a dimple?! Where??" My Better Half™: "Right there!" Me: "Oh my God, she DOES! It IS cute! How have I not noticed that before? Do you have a dimple?" My Better Half™: "Yeah, over here." Me: "Do I have a dimple?" My Better Half™: "I can't tell if that's a dimple or a wrink-le..." Me: "What?? A WRINKLE??" My Better Half™: "uh, nothing..." <walks away> Note to Self: More sunscreen and moisturizer. Daily. … [Read more...] about In Which I Discover the Effects of Living in Arizona Too Long
What's it like living in the Arizona desert? Well, the first thing is the heat. Saying it's hot is a bit like saying Bill Gates has money. True, but not nearly descriptive enough. The cliché is that it's a dry heat. Yeah. So dry that water gets sucked out of the ground, leaving dissolved minerals known as caliche, an impenetrable layer, behind. And so hot it's like living on the surface of the sun. The first time I came to Phoenix was for a baseball game and it was 118°. Another time I burned … [Read more...] about Swollen Summer