Not a Morning Person

I always struggle with mornings. I’m a natural night owl, and also I need a lot of sleep to be firing on all cylinders – a solid 8-9 hours. So let’s set aside for the moment that it’s bizarre to me that employers who would benefit from happy, well-rested employees instead insist on everyone being a cog for Taylorism and all arriving at 8 a.m., and instead focus on what is possibly the only thing in the world that might work in turning me into an on-time riser:

Someone please buy this for me, if you want me somewhere before 10 a.m.