Unfiltered Thoughts: Urban Bicyclists

In the past two days, I have had encounters with two, TWO, bicyclists. Both heading north on the sidewalk that is next to the southbound lanes on a major road. Both hollering and waving arms about to try to get my attention, since, in both instances, I was turning right and and therefore, had no reason to look to my right before I turned.

So my message to them both is this: If I am driving and you are on the sidewalk, 1) there is no expectation that I should be looking to my right to turn right, so F off. 2) Did you know that you can get ticketed for riding the “wrong” direction on the sidewalk? If you’re going north, get on the northbound sidewalk on the other side of the road. Look, I get it. Urban biking is dangerous. I should know. I do it. And I’ve almost been hit twice – by a CITY BUS. Both times. So I know that the onus is on you, dear cyclist, to exercise the utmost caution. And I understand why you don’t want to ride in the street. So, how about you NOT YELL AT DRIVERS to look the other f*cking way before they turn and give them dirty looks when they don’t look your direction. Because they don’t have to.

Unfiltered Thoughts: Missed Opportunity

I work at a large state university, and parking on campus is steep. If you don’t have a campus permit, there are some private metered spaces around, too, where you can pay by the hour or a couple lots where you can pay by the day. Then there’s the church that pays someone to sit out in their lot and collect $10 a day to park in their lot.

I forgot my permit today, but lucky for me, there’s a free lot nearby. It’s so weird that there’s this big parking lot just beyond campus that’s…well, free. It’s got to have at least 300 spots. There’s no slot for you to walk to and shove your $5 in to. There’s no dude in a booth collecting your money. It’s the closest lot to my building, and it’s probably at least as close to campus as the giant student lot, which is not free, so, as you can imagine, folks like me who work on campus and students all take advantage of this free lot. Every single day.

Let’s assume that there are 300 spots, and they’re filled M-F. Even if you charged $5 a spot (as opposed to the standard $10 that places like the church charge), that’s $1500 a day. And that’s just M-F. And that’s also assuming only one car per spot per day, not that one person, oh, I dunno, leaves at noon and someone else pulls into the same spot and pays another $5 for 1:00-5:00. So that’s $30,000. A MONTH. Conservatively. That some idiot is strangely not collecting. It’s so weird. And lest you think that whoever owns the lot is just AWOL – in prison, dead, whatever – nope. Because some weekends, there *is* someone in the lot collecting $10 to park there for special events.

But back to this $30,000 a month that someone is missing out on. If whoever owns that lot doesn’t want that money, how about I send some kid to sit down there in a polo, with a clipboard, a table and a large, professionally printed laminated sign to start collecting people’s money? I don’t know about you, but I could sure use $30k a month.

Unfiltered Thoughts: My TV Show

I’ve long thought of concepts & topics that would make great tv shows. It seems like all that’s on are shows about detectives. And lawyers. Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, CSI, CSI: Miami, NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Bones, Cold Case, Covert Affairs, In Plain Sight….I could keep going, but you get the idea. There’s so few original series on. The ones that are on are excellent, but they’re few and far between.

I have so many ideas floating around in my noggin for distinctive comedy series, but I just don’t have the time to develop and write them. So, until my personal intern comes on board, if you have time, please feel free to take these and run with them so I can watch something other than a GOD AWFUL iteration of Project Runway (All Stars, I’m looking at you) that I am forced to watch because there are no seasons of Top Chef or Project Runway airing right now. For years, the best idea I’ve had that’s been simmering is a show about the writer’s room at a show. Sure, you could say that’s what 30 Rock is, but 30 Rock isn’t about the writing. Mine would focus on the battles between different writers, trying to keep their ideas and bits off the cutting room floor, where they go to get inspiration when they’ve got writer’s block, what they do with their days during a writer’s strike, that kind of thing.

Today I had an idea for an offshoot of that, which I think could be at least as good, if not better. A show focusing on the behind-the-scenes production of a (shitty) “reality” show. The decisions that get made as far as which contestants get saved from elimination because they’re great for character development and production value, the story arcs that the producers create and manipulate over a season, the struggles to come up with ever more ridiculous (and view-worthy) stunts for the contestants…

Get on that, would ya? Cuz I just don’t have the time.

Cleanup on Aisle 3

Purely hypothetical question:

If you are at Barnes & Noble with your baby, and your baby suddenly and unexpectedly starts projectile vomiting, are you supposed to a) seek out a store manager to let them know and apologize profusely, or b) race out of the store to minimize any more barfage?

Hypothetically.

Sounds About Right

I spent the day with a 6 year old. At one point, he came in from the back yard, where My Better Half™ was working on the pond, to say “It’s soooo boring out there.”

Me: “Yeah, well, I hate to tell you, but being an adult is often boring.”

Him: “Yeah, I know. There’s lots of cleaning involved.”

Unfiltered Thoughts: Hockey

Why do hockey games go into overtime only to end tied anyway? Isn’t the point of overtime to determine a winner? Just another one of the many stupid things about hockey. (Need a hint on another? How about how each season lasts about 14 months?)

 

Unfiltered Thoughts: Websites that Should Exist

Sites that follow up on flash-in-the-pan news stories that caught my our collective attention but about which I have heard nothing since. Remember the kid from UCLA who joined the Libyan revolution? Well what the hell happened to him? Did his parents beat him senseless? Is he back to life “as usual” in LA as a student?

A website where you can post the subtext behind all-too-polite resignation letters. Like the chick here who was demoted a couple months ago who resigned abruptly with: “I just wanted to send a note to you that I wish each and every one of you Much Success and Happiness  personally and professionally and certainly Much Success  to the organization overall, best wishes!” C’mon. Really?

Caveat: These might already exist. I just don’t have time / energy to investigate whether they do.