I am now almost one month away from my due date – July 4! So apologies for a totally unoriginal post about how the waiting is killing me, but…the waiting is KILLING me.
I go to work but it’s just a matter of going through the motions to get through each day. My attention span is that of a gnat. Even if I could follow all the jargon and get up to speed on everything I need to know at my new job, I can’t. So I just try my best to pull a George Costanza and look busy. My boss has been taking me off projects that were assigned to me, and with good reason. Not only can I not concentrate but “you could be gone on maternity leave any minute now!” True. So I go to project meetings to follow along, but I don’t have anything to contribute because my mind is elsewhere. I make lists of what still needs to be done before Baby arrives (assemble crib, install car seat, wash onesies…) to look like I’m following along and taking notes. When I’m left to my own devices, I scurry back to my cube where I stare off into space as I note kick counts or read my weekly update from the pregnancy countdown websites. It’s hard to devote any attention to work when so much of my mind space is taken up with the much bigger matter of giving birth and taking care of a tiny little Baby soon.
I just can’t focus.
I knew starting a new job always entailed a learning curve, and that’s especially the case now that I’m starting a whole new industry and career trajectory, but I can’t even muster a single original thought about that at this moment. Trying to learn a whole new field while I’m pregnant…and this close to giving birth in particular…is just a whole different level of difficulty. It’s impossible it is to divide my focus between such a monumental life event and such huge changes to my work at the same time. I have had a TON of changes with work over the past 6 months – going from working full-time in my chosen profession to being laid off, unemployed, marginally employed in a low-skilled position, to working full-time in a totally new field – and I don’t think I’ve been given the chance to process that with everything happening so fast.
So I try to keep up and pick up what I can at my new job, but realistically, I’m going to have a secondary learning curve – the real one – after my maternity leave because right now, I just can’t think about anything besides Baby. Everything that I learn seeps out of my brain simultaneously.